The Green Study had an absolutely hilarious post yesterday. It was about her hellish trip to the mall. In passing she talked about a cashier’s bedazzled fingernails. And that sent me to a whole other place.
You have no idea just what’s being bedazzled these days. Or maybe you do? You want me to spell it out for you, don’t cha? You’re waiting to see if you can make me blush. Or stammer. Or splutter.
Nope. You won’t. Here it is:
Females are bedazzling their bits. You know. Their privates. There. Handled it well, wouldn’t you agree? No blushing. Anyway, it’s called ‘vajazzling‘. Need I say more? I hope not.
The irony is, Thursday night on Grey’s Anatomy, the subject came up. Before I go into detail, let me confirm. Yes, I am probably the only human being with a TV who did NOT watch Oprah interviewing (grilling) Lance
Armstrong. Honestly, I just don’t care. He’s an idiot. He did it. He lied. We already knew that.
Happy for Oprah, though. Glad she was the one who got to wring the confession out of him. She can use the ratings. Turns out OWN isn’t worth owning, after all.
Back to Grey’s. A middle aged woman was brought into Emergency, with her husband. Seems it was their anniversary, and she decided to ‘spice’ up their forty plus year marriage. She fell off the stripper pole she’d had installed in their bedroom, landed on her husband, and broke one of his ribs.
Still laughing? Should I give you a chance to catch your breath, or are you okay?
She was unscathed, except for a very bad bruise on her coccyx bone (not to mention her pride). They wanted to take a CT scan to make sure there was nothing more sinister happening. Red-faced, she asked if she could have a scan, if she had ‘metal’ on her body.
Turns out she didn’t think the pole would add enough ‘heat’. So she also had herself vajazzled.
So what do you think about this craze? I have an open mind. Takes a lot to shock me or offend me. But I’ve got to say, I don’t get it. First of all, I think it would be very uncomfortable, don’t you? I mean, they have to stick them on. To your skin. Wouldn’t that be irritating?
And they can ‘catch’ on stuff, can’t they? And maybe get yanked off, in the process. OUCH!!! And if you sleep on your tummy, wouldn’t they ‘dig’ into you? You’d think so, wouldn’t you? What if you get tired of them? How do you get them off? Is there a solvent you use? Better lay very still if there is. Or do you just pull and hope for the best? MAJOR OUCH!!!
Doesn’t sound like much fun to me. Can somebody explain the appeal? Do you think this is sexy? Is it a turn on? Tell me, please.
Personally I think it would look stupid, too. I mean, when you take your clothes off, do you really want to look like you’re a display case at Tiffany’s? I sort of understand the stripper pole, but this? It is NOT working for me. Having sparkly bits. No thanks.
Just before I let you, and your imagination, run wild I have one more question for you:
You’re travelling. You’re at the airport. You’re going through security. You and your vajazzling set off the alarms. The bells are ringing like mad.
Exactly what do you say? How do you explain this?
I don’t know about you, but I’d sure like to be a fly on the wall.