Are you as sick of award shows as I am? I don’t know about you, but I feel like they’ve been going on forever. But after this coming Sunday night’s broadcast of the Academy Awards, I think we’ll be done. Thank The Lord!
I am SO bored with them. Bored with all the promos. All the commercials. All the contests. All the articles. All the ads. All the speculation. All the talk. All the gossip. All the guessing. The lead up, in other words. It feels like we’ve been leading up forever.
I am bored with the vanity. And the egos. And the name-dropping. And the ass-kissing. And that’s just among the on-air personalities.
I am bored with the breasts. The butts. The backs. The ‘leg’. The shoes. The bags. The hair; and why it’s wrong. Or right. The make up. The lips. The lashes.
Really, I don’t care which designer dressed which star. I don’t care how many millions of dollars worth of borrowed jewelry is around whose neck, arms, fingers; or dropping from whose ears. Nor do I care who’s there with who.
Who’s fighting. Who’s having a baby. Who’s getting married. Who’s cheating. Who’s separating. Who’s divorcing. Who’s getting back together. Who’s gained weight. Who’s lost weight. Who’s drinking. Who’s not. Who just got out of rehab. Who’s going in.
Somebody please tell the folks at E! I think the Mani Cam is dumb. I’ve yet to see anything worth seeing, if you know what I mean. No nice nails or fabulous manicures. Pretty ordinary, if you ask me. I’ve had enough of Ryan Seacrest, and his “boyish good looks”. NOT. And if I never hear Giuliana whatever-her-name-is, ask another celebrity another inane question, it will be too soon.
Am I the only one who’s had enough of THE question: “Who are you wearing?” “Who are you wearing?” “Who are you wearing?” I wish someone would scream, “I’m wearing my birthday suit”, as they whip off a trench coat, to reveal their naked body. Or show up wearing drapes, like that old Carol Burnett skit where she did a send-up of Gone With The Wind. On second thought, maybe Lady Gaga has already done that. Or was that an old Grammy show?
Anyway, my point is, we need something that says, “Time to stop taking ourselves so seriously, folks”.
If you don’t mind, I’d also like Kelly Osbourne to get rid of the purple hair. It does nothing for her, and less for me. It’s just too weird and it makes her look like she’s been embalmed. Badly. It is NOT flattering. And while we’re talking about Kelly, I’m not too crazy about her tattoos either. Does anyone think they look good with the designer gowns she wears?
Let this be a lesson to all the young girls out there who think they’re cool. Tattoos, that is. Maybe they are when you’re young, in art school, or a musician. But not when you’re grown up, want to be taken seriously, and swan around in power suits and revealing clothing.
While we’re at it, could we not change the colour of the carpet? Must it be red? I’m sick of that, too. A white carpet would be nice for a change, don’t you think?
Then there’s all the re-hashing. Who won what. Who lost what. Who wore what. Who wore who. Who looked good. Who looked lousy. Who was best-dressed. Who was worst-dressed. Discussed again and again. Again and again. Dissecting each and every moment. Each and every detail. Again and again.
On the news. In the papers. In magazines. On talk shows. On Fashion Police. In the subway. At Starbucks. At the office. At the hairdresser. In the elevator. At the gym. In the cash-out line.
For the first time in ages, I don’t even know all the nominated films. Usually I’ve seen them all. Usually I’ve picked ‘my’ winners by now. This year? Not so much. I just don’t care. I don’t even know who the host is.
Who is the host?
Hell, never mind. Don’t tell me. I don’t really care.
As if you hadn’t already figured it out, I can’t wait for Sunday. Well, actually, it’s Monday I can’t wait for. Because then we’ll be done with awards for this year. And, as for Sunday, I may just be desperate enough to watch The Kardashians.
Now that’s desperate.