Day 217. Truly Thankful

My posts have been kind of philosophical lately. It wasn’t my intention. At least not consciously. But it is the way they’ve turned out. I speak from my heart, so obviously, it’s how I’m feeling. And clearly, it’s something I want to share. Or need to share.

It’s like I’m taking a moment, to take stock. Of who and what I am. Maybe even checking in, if you will, to see if I should be recalibrating. Or even if I just want to. It’s something I do, from time to time. Most of the time I’m not even aware I’m doing it, until the obvious jumps out at me. Or I have a big AHA moment, or something.

Today, what’s struck me is how much I have to be grateful for. This could be top of mind right now because of a movie I saw Saturday afternoon. A documentary about a musician, with enormous talent, who was never recognized in America. But unbeknownst to him, he was a mega hit in South Africa. Imagine never knowing such a thing. Imagine never receiving a dime of the royalties he was entitled to.

I don’t want to give it all away because I am going to blog about this film. So suffice to say, it could certainly

have made me realize how lucky I am. And of course, I am reminded each and every Tuesday, when I volunteer at the hospital.

There I witness so much fear and sadness and loneliness and pain and unhappiness, it’s impossible to not sit there, counting my blessings. But that said, I think it’s good to sometimes say it out loud.

And for me, this blog IS saying it out loud.

When it comes to gratitude, I don’t think it’s the length of the list that matters. Like so many other aspects of life, it’s not about quantity. It’s about what’s really important. The BIG stuff. What truly matters.

Ain’t nothing bigger than the role my parents played, in determining ‘who’ I am. And I’m not referring to what they ‘said’ to me throughout my lifetime, although those lessons were terribly important. I’m talking about the examples they set.

Because the lives they lived, have influenced the life I lead. And while they always encouraged me to find my own path, what I’ve learned is, I have always done so WHILE following in their footsteps. To me, this is a fascinating discovery. To learn just how much of ‘me’ is actually my inheritance from them. Without my even being aware of it.

Then there’s my writing.

Let’s face it. We all have to work. We have to earn some money. We have responsibilities. People who depend on us. And sometimes, the realities of life take precedence over our dreams. We can’t always live our dreams. Sometimes we haven’t got the required marks. Sometimes we can’t afford the tuition. Or we just don’t possess the ability or talent. Sometimes we just need a job. Any job. And dreams have to go on hold. Or get tossed away. It happens all the time.

But how lucky am I? I get to do what I love to do. From the age of twelve or thirteen I knew what I wanted to do. And I got to do it. And I’m still doing it. I get to write every day. It’s hard to describe the feeling that comes over me, when I’m writing. I get lost in the words, in the idea, in the story. I lose track of time. I am at peace. I am calm. Content. Satisfied. Happy. Joyful, actually.

If that’s not something to be grateful for, I don’t know what is.

My life has been filled with love, and for that I will also be eternally grateful. Being blessed with parents, family and friends who have loved me with no asterisks. No disclaimers. They just loved me; and still do. Warts and all. When I’m good and when I’m not so good. Up days. Down days. Happy days. Moody days. When I’m right and when I’m wrong. Never any questions asked. No explanations required. No judgements made.

Yesterday Michelle, The Green Study, wrote about love and relationships. And how painful the end of a relationship is. I thought about my own experiences with love.

About the terror you feel when you realize you’re losing control. That there’s no turning back or putting on the breaks. About the insecurity you feel when you realize your heart could be broken. That you’re laying yourself bare, exposing your vulnerability. About the thrill you feel at the mere thought of him (or her), let alone when you’re together, in touching distance.

Yes, I know how that feels. Thankfully.

Yes, I have much to be thankful for. What about you?