Must be my head’s been in the clouds for the last week or so. I have been busy with client and new client work, so I guess I haven’t been paying as much attention as 
usual to what’s going on in the world.
So you can imagine how far my jaw dropped the other night, when I heard the TSA (Transport Safety Administration) in the U.S. has decided to allow travellers to carry knives onboard planes again.
Are they nuts?
Like I said, I’ve been working hard. By Tuesday night I needed a break. Had to change my head space. Honestly I was too mentally tired to read a book. It would have taken too much concentration. I was after something mindless.
Right. I turned on my TV.
Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING to watch. No wonder they’re in such dire straits in the broadcast industry. I have 400 plus channels and nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Even the movie pickings were slim. So there I was, scrolling up and scrolling down. Scrolling up and scrolling down. Up. And down. If it hadn’t been 9:00 p.m. I would have thrown in the towel and gone to bed. But nine o’clock. That’s pushing it.
Too early. Way too early.
Out of desperation I paused at Channel 33. CNN here, in Toronto. I have taken SUCH a dislike to Piers Morgan. But I had to watch something. Just for a while, to unwind. Clear my mind. So I tuned in, figuring if it was really awful, I would go to bed.
That’s where I heard about the TSA. I knew it was a bad idea to keep watching. I knew my blood pressure would start to climb. I knew I’d get all worked up. But just like those jerks who have to stop at the scene of an accident to check out the blood, guts and gore, I could not turn off the TV. No. I had to watch.
Didn’t sleep all night. Serves me right. My own damn fault.
Somebody please explain the wisdom in this decision to me. What am I missing? He (Morgan) had three guests on, debating the issue. The one who’s responsible for keeping me up is a former director (or something) of the TSA. I have blocked his name out of my consciousness, so don’t ask me. I don’t want to remember it.
Anyway, this numb nut said he thought they should also lift the ban on machetes and hatchets, as well. I swear on all that’s holy (including the newly-appointed Pope), those were his EXACT words. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. That’s when I wondered if I should take a baby Aspirin, just in case.
He insisted knives were no longer a threat to passenger or crew safety. “Our concern”, he said, “is bombs. Al Qaeda won’t hijack planes with knives. They’ll use bombs.” The fact that ALL the terrorists behind the 9/11 attacks used box cutters to get control of the planes didn’t seem to concern him at all. He fluffed it off, in fact.
The piece de resistance was when, with a completely straight face he said, and I quote: “Besides the air marshals will never allow a terrorist to use a knife on an airplane.” At which point an incredulous Morgan stuttered: “Are you telling me every plane in America will have air marshals on board from now on?” To which this moron replied, “No”.
By now, Piers Morgan’s face was the colour of an over-ripe tomato. My own head was POUNDING, so I could only imagine how he felt. I left the room temporarily to find a copy of my Will. I thought it would make life a lot easier if it was with me when they found my body the next morning, slumped on the floor, in the fetal position, with the converter clutched in my hand and my hair standing up on end.
Almost whispering at this point, Morgan asked: “Well, if the air marshals aren’t onboard, how will they stop anyone from using a knife?” It should come as no surprise to anyone the question was never answered.
Forget air marshals. Forget 9/11. Forget terrorists. Forget Al Qaeda.
Just, for a minute, imagine one mentally ill individual with a Swiss Army Knife in his or her pocket, getting on a plane. Never mind one with a machete or a hatchet. Is it not possible an innocent passenger could be killed? Or a flight attendant? Or the flight engineer. Or the co-pilot? Or even the pilot. Or a member of the ground crew? Or any other bystander who got in this individual’s way?
And don’t you think that the needless death of even one person, is one death too many?
What in God’s name are they thinking?
Of course, if the NRA get their way, eventually we’ll all be packing heat. So we’ll be able to blow the guy’s (or gal’s) brains out. The fact we could be 30,000 feet up in the air is inconsequential. Well, unless you have a problem with the idea of being blown right out of the sky.
Now see what you’ve done? I’m getting all worked up again. What ever happened to the Disney Channel?
365 And Counting 
When I feel like the way you felt when you got home that night I watch the Golden Girls or some other mindless brain candy haha In all seriousness I share your feelings about Piers Morgan generally. And in all seriousness flying and what it takes to fly nowadays I find totally distasteful and dangerous in the sense that really anything can happen when we’re all cooped up together in the sky.
It’s a crying shame from the days when it was considered a treat. And a crying shame that it’s pretty much a self-fulfilling prophecy that we’ve put ideas into people’s heads that a plane is a good place to carry out the deranged fantasies of grandeur that people have. I share your pain and am sorry about your pounding head and associated reaction no doubt.
The Golden Girls wasn’t on. Neither was Frasier or any of thise shows I always turn to. I do exactly what you do. It was one of those weird nights when there really was nothing. And I agree. There was a time when flying was a treat. I know that feeling. But it has become a nightmare for a host of reasons.
People have just taken leave of their senses. That’s what gives me a headache. And a heartache. We really are going to hell in a hand basket.
How do all these morons end up in positions of power?
Because the sheep are grazing on the hill with their snouts in the grass.
Yeah. And up their asses as well.
That argument doesn’t even make sense. Knives of any kind were banned on planes well before 9-11. What’s probably happening is that the TSA is getting a budget cut because we refuse to have commonsense tax law, and now we can’t afford the extra people to look for knives. So, go ahead, let them on the plane, and if someone decides to do something stupid, maybe we’ll all have a knife. As long as the pilots are safe, a melee in the back should be ok. Stupid.
I thought about possible budget cuts too. But a diabolically stupid decision. (sigh). Where are all the smart people? Websure could use a few.
In light of budget cuts at the TSA, I have heard that Samuel L. Jackson is going to be on every U.S. flight from this point on…
Get these MFing knives off of my MFing plane!!!
And who’d argue with him? Maybe they should send him to Capital Hill instead. Get these MFing idiots out of my MFing government!!!
Scary! I think I’ll restrict my flying to other countries. In the UK they are still so strict with absolutely everything – my daughter couldn’t even take her baby’s bottle of water on the plane without actually drinking it in front of them to prove it was only water! (That was just in November).
Canada as well. This is just crazy!
Have they realised this is also a good way to put off tourists? Hmm, obviously they haven’t realised a lot of things 😦
You got that right!
A very good reason not to watch news shows. I always end up with headaches and a sense of no control.
Except news like this can’t be avoided because it impacts on us so dramatically.
Try TUNE in RADIO Fransi – the cure to having no T.V.
Good idea!
You bet.
🙂
We had a terrible conversation at work about this where we (all creative folk so a bunch of misfit deviants) talked about the everyday items we could mcgivver into “weapons” if need be. It was kind of inspiring in a frightening way. I’m just excited that Bruce and I can pack a corkscrew again for our weekend adventures. Although maybe I should start packing them for client visits…
Packing them for client visits is a very good idea.
I have identified many nice screw cap wines over the years because of the ban. And left many a corkscrew behind for the next vacationer to enjoy.
Yeah, I’ve left a bunch of them behind myself.
Just doing our good deeds and spreading corkscrews around the planet.
Very true. Why hasn’t someone invented a disposable corkscrew? We have disposable razors.
And now we have wine bottles which are just a sleeve of four or five plastic glasses filled with wine and sealed. I saw it in Real Simple — just wonder if it’s decent or crap. But it saves the cost of a corkscrew.
Brilliant idea! Yes, it needs to be decent at least. But a great idea.
My blood was boiling as well. By all means, leave your shampoo at home, but bring your hockey sticks and homemade shivs. It’s okay, really… Idiots.
Yeah, they are idiots.
I have sat next to someone who is claustrophobic and next to someone deathly afraid of flying. And let me tell you they are one comment from a manic frenzied killing spree. I made the mistake of joking about flying with the fear dude, and the sweat started pouring off his face. Then I had to hear a tantra of sentences about valium and having to get off the plane. Yup, he got off the plane. Thank God he didn’t kill me, but he could have with the bug eyed look in his eyes. Flying is distressing in the easiest of circumstances; putting a bunch of aggravated people in a matchbox sized enclosed space is one flick away from explosion. So for normal situations, NO ONE should EVER have anything dangerous. I say even necklaces and belts should be banned; strangulation is too tempting when the person next to you is a 10 on the most aggravating scale…. 🙂
Well I don’t think we can be asking people to remove belts or shoe laces or a bunch of other everyday items of clothing. But knives should not be allowed onboard.
Bunny suits, we all need bunny suits with footies! Ok, I am/was being humorous, but one never knows the stress of the person sitting next to one on the plane!
That’s a whole other conversation.