A reflective state of mind …

I seem to be doing a lot of thinking lately.  Pondering.  Soul-searching.  Reviewing.  Evaluating.  Looking back.  Reflecting.  Not entirely sure why, to be honest.  Maybe it’s Man Sitting In Valleyin preparation for a change.  I wouldn’t mind.  I like change.  I crave change.

Life would be awfully boring if we just stayed the same, don’t you think?  Frankly, I’m probably due for a biggie.  I think it’s been in the works for a while, you know.  I’ve had that ‘unsettled’ feeling.  In a good way, not a bad way.  Not scary at all.  Sort of like when you know you’re going to sneeze.  It starts suddenly, with a little tickle.  It builds, and builds until it becomes strong.  Uncontrollable.

And then, ready or not, here it comes!  And what a relief it is.

Exciting, actually.  Changes and transitions, not sneezing.

So if anything, I’m impatient for it.

But ‘change’ isn’t what I want to talk about. Regrets are what’s on my mind at the moment.  It’s only natural to go ‘there’ when you decide to ‘re-read your life story’.  To ‘regrets’.  At least I think so.

Presumably we’re all the same.  Presumably we’ve all had our fair share of successes and failures.  Good decisions and mistakes.  Proud moments and those better forgotten.  Times when our plans fell into place and others when we seemed to go astray.

Personally I believe it’s important to acknowledge them all.  To own them.  But what I don’t think we should do is have regrets.  Please don’t take this as arrogance on my part, but I have never regretted anything.  Not once.  Which is not to say I’m perfect.  Which is not to say I’ve never done or said anything that wouldn’t have benefitted from a little more thought and a little less action.  Far from it.  But every mistake I’ve ever made, every wrong turn, every bad choice, every inaction had the potential to teach me a valuable lesson and, therefore, make me a better daughter, friend, employee, neighbour, citizen, person.

What’s to regret, then?

Not that I’ve learned something each and every time.  I am human, after all.  But step outside of yourself and think about it objectively for a minute.

For one thing, what’s the point of beating yourself up over and over again?  It’s not like you can step into a time capsule, rewind and choose door number 1 instead of 2 or 3.  It’s done.  Over with.  So get over it.  Move on.

For another, regrets hold you back.  Dwelling on everything you’re sorry about forces you to get stuck in the past.  You can’t move forward.  You’re in an abyss.  Quick sand.  You’re so consumed with yesterday, you can’t think ahead to tomorrow.  You can’t even enjoy today.  And what a shame that is.  What a waste.  Here you’ve learned all these lessons and you can’t even put them into practice.  You can’t make them count for something positive.  And in the end, nothing good will come of them.

They’ll remain your folly, forever.

Really?  Is that what you want?  Now that’s regrettable.







10 thoughts on “A reflective state of mind …

  1. Absolutely, Fransi. I regret only the mistakes that have hurt others and wish I could have done better, but I accept that even those mistakes are part of the learning process and the balance tends to even out if you allow it to.

  2. I’ve certainly sensed your unsettled feeling in the flavor of your posts lately. Hopefully your “sneeze” is right around the corner. I second the notion that change is good, a breath of fresh air. Unless you’re a teenager. They hate change (I’ve got 2 of them running around at the moment, so I speak from a position in-the-know). 🙂 I think I can also say I carry no regrets. It’s pointless. Learn from mistakes and move on. Great food for thought.

    • Thanks Gwen :). You’d think young people would adapt to change much better than us relics do. But it does make sense that when you’re just starting to feel your way around, change is an unwelcome disruption.

  3. That’s funny cause I don’t regret anything either. It’s all a learning experience and yes, we’re only human. We can’t unring a bell, have to learn what we can, and move on. Plus be thoughtful about how we change as time goes on. We only have this moment…

    What are you doing changing jobs? Moving? New lover? What change is on the horizon for you Weinstein?

    • Ha! I don’t know what change is on the horizon for me, Pete. I’m open to most anything, long as I’m alive and healthy — and it provides good writing material :). And you are so right — we do only have this moment so make it count!

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