We’re just days into the New Year and here I am, complaining. Well, not really complaining. It’s more like ‘wondering’. Or making an observation. Or questioning. I’m confused, is all. For the life of me I can’t figure out why we make such a big deal out of New Year’s Eve. Okay, okay, okay, I get the significance of beginning a new year. Truly I do. But why the insistence on wearing silly hats and cranking noisemakers and watching balls drop and drinking ourselves into oblivion? What’s the point of all that?
Speaking strictly for myself, I’ve never liked New Year’s Eve. In fact, I kinda loathe it. Too many people trying way to hard to have a good time. Way too many people who can’t hold their liquor getting way too drunk. Drunk to the point of crying, drunk to the point of sharing the most intimate details of their lives with virtual strangers, drunk to the point of making passes at their best friends’ husbands (or vice versa), drunk to the point of passing out or, even worse, vomiting all over themselves, and all those unfortunate enough to be close by.
For those who choose to go out, they end up paying more-than-usual for worse-than-usual food and lousy service. For those who choose to party at home, they’re so exhausted from planning, tidying, shopping, schlepping and cooking I wonder if they really have a good time or just wish everyone would go home early. And then, when everyone finally does leave, they’re stuck cleaning up the mess. And trust me, getting rid of confetti is neither easy or fun. Especially if you have shag carpet, which not many people still do have — although I hear it’s making a comeback.
And then there are all those truly horrid ‘bring-in-the-new-year-with-name of celebrity goes here-shows’ on TV — the worst of which has to be the unlikely duo of Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper. For those of you lucky enough to not have the foggiest idea of who I’m talking about, Anderson Cooper is a very likeable CNN news anchorman. As for Kathy Griffin, I absolutely CANNOT stand her. Her bio says she’s a comedian. I don’t think there is anything even remotely funny about her, or her schtick. She’s my idea of the very worst way to spend New Year’s Eve. I’d rather have a permanent hangover. Or have my finger nails yanked out with a plier.
So I’m guessing by now you know you should never invite me to a club where she’s performing, right?
Good. Because I’m not going.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m against celebrations. I just wonder why we picked December 31. For instance, why don’t we celebrate Mondays instead? Personally I think Mondays are misunderstood, under-appreciated and under-valued.
They fall right after a weekend, when we’re well-rested and refreshed. We should be pumped, don’t you think?
They’re a beginning. The start of a whole new week. A fresh start. We should be excited, don’t you think?
They represent new opportunities, new adventures, second chances. We should doing a happy dance, don’t you think?
Why, then, do we malign them? Groan when we think of them? Moan about them? Dread them? Mourn them? Wish we could make them disappear from the calendar and our lives?
It makes no sense. No sense whatsoever. They should, in fact, be our most favourite day of the week. The day we look forward to, with great anticipation.
The more I think about it, the more I believe Monday needs an advocate. I am appointing myself. It is now official. I am standing up for Mondays. And you are invited to join me. Come on. All together now: We Love Mondays!!!! Let’s Hear It For Mondays!!!! Yay Monday!!!!
Just do me a favour and go easy on the champagne. Let’s not do to Mondays what we did to New Year’s Eve.