I am someone who has always thrived in chaos. What looked like a mess to everyone else has always been my comfort zone. ‘Order’, on the other hand, has traditionally given me a rash. Until very recently.
Precipitated by a desire to move, the constant sighs of my cleaning lady, and more clutter than even I could bear I finally attacked every square inch of my apartment. Went through absolutely everything, discarding the unwanted and the unnecessary ruthlessly.
Took a couple of months.
And the most extraordinary thing has happened.
For the first time in my life I love being so organized. I love that everything has a place, and that there’s room for it all. I love that I can open and close my drawers with ease. That there’s breathing room in my closets, cupboards and pantry. That all my essential paperwork is filed neatly away, where I know it is, if and when I need it. That I’ve kept only what I need, wear and use; and everything else has either been shredded, sold or given to a new owner who will, hopefully, love it.
But there’s been another benefit, one I certainly hadn’t expected. It’s not just my surroundings that are more organized. So is my thinking. I’m more focussed.
Why I’m thinking about this right now is because we’re so close to beginning a new year. This is the time when we all reflect back and look ahead, make plans and resolutions. And what I am now realizing, and appreciating is, even though I didn’t make a list of New Year’s Resolutions this time last year, I unwittingly managed to accomplish what, looking back at it, seems like great goals to me. Guess my sub-conscious was at work behind the scenes:
In 2015 I finally managed to kickstart my metabolism, lose weight, regain lost energy, feel better, look better and live better. More significantly, the penny dropped and I realized ‘dieting’ isn’t the answer — and instead I found a way of eating I can, and will, follow for the rest of my life. In the process of getting rid of stuff I discovered something about myself I would never have believed: I can live with less, I like living with less (except for books) and chaos no longer works for me. It makes me uncomfortable.
It seems there’s a whole other me I’ve never met before.
So all this clarity has given me one specific objective for 2016. Establishing new roots and moving.
Although I’ve said over and over again, for the last several years, that I wanted to move I was all over the place about where. I spent a lot of time thinking about, and looking into, having an adventure and relocating to Province. Vancouver, where I have family I’m close to, was also a contender. In the end, though, nothing stuck.
Just recently though, for a variety of reasons, I have come to the conclusion that I am ready to renew my vows with Toronto, at least for now. But I am determined to get out of this apartment. Thanks to all the purging I did I know exactly what I need, in terms of space; and, as for where in the city I want to live, I’m keeping a relatively open mind. I’ve expanded the parameters somewhat and we’ll see where that takes me.
Hopefully I won’t be sitting here, in this same place, next December. Let’s hope I make as much progress next year as I have this year.