I can’t tell you how many times I ‘ve heard that over the course of my life and I’m pretty sure you’ve probably heard it more than a few times, too. Laughing has never been a problem for me, I’m blessed with a pretty good sense of humour and it’s stood me in good stead over the years.
Being able to laugh, especially at myself, has helped me get through the ups and downs that are part and parcel of all of our lives and I’m grateful for that. But it was when my mother passed away that I learned that it’s okay to smile and even chuckle during the most solemn of occasions.
After my mother’s funeral, the Rabbi came to the shiva to lead the evening prayer. When he was done, not long before he left, he shared a joke. It was funny and I did laugh, as did everyone else who had come to pay their respects, but my aunt and I were a bit startled and looked at each other sideways. I was a surprised, to be honest, that a Rabbi would have chosen that time to be funny.
He must have noticed, because he beckoned me over to his side and then he explained: I’m paraphrasing, but essentially he told me that as sad as I was at losing my mother, and as much as I would grieve her loss for the rest of my life, it was very important for me — for all of us — to realize that life goes on, that it’s important to enjoy life, to laugh, to have good times — and not to feel any guilt about it — that it would take nothing away from the love and respect I had for my mother and will always have.
It’s an important lesson and I’ve never forgotten it. It’s particularly important to remember it now, when chaos reigns supreme and the world is in such turmoil, when it feels like the values and beliefs we all hold dear are in jeopardy and when evil seems to be trampling all over good.
Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suggesting we make light of a serious situation. I am only suggesting that if we are going to survive these times and stay healthy — physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually — we cannot only dwell on the negative. We must also look for the positive, keep the faith and allow ourselves to smile and to laugh whenever we can.
Humour contributes to happiness — which is good for us for many reasons, not the least of which is, when we shift our attention to happiness we become much less stressed — and healthier — in the process. Don’t believe me? Read this, from the Mayo Clinic.
This reminds me of my great-grandfather’s funeral. He had lain in state in the parlour for the mourners to view. Great Aunt Annie-Beatrice almost yanked him out of the coffin, wailing, while we worried what the post mortem had left under the silk. But when it was time for the undertakers to carry the coffin out, the tight bend of the hall meant the coffin had to be up-ended. There was a distinct thud from inside.
“Don’t look!” cried a motherly and exceedingly buxom neighbour, grabbing my mother’s head and burying it on her breast. I could see mother’s shoulders heaving as the neighbour pressed her closer and smothered her with tissues too.
Thankfully, the neighbour did not see my mother’s face, but put the shaking shoulders down to sobs…she and great-grandad had been very close after all.
I did, though, and walked off to laugh discretely.Great-grandad would have thoroughly enjoyed his funeral too 😉
Omg, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had heaving shoulders myself. Once, in fact, when the Rabbi came to talk to my mother and two aunts about the eulogy he was going to give at my grandmother’s funeral. He arrived at my mother’s home wearing his 7-year old son’s hat which, obviously, didn’t fit and was perched on the top of his head.
Oh wonderful! 🙂
Great Aunt Annie-Beatrice was always good at funerals…never one to miss the dramatic gesture…and nevr one to wear black when shocking pinkand ribbons would do… she did her best to thrwo herself into the grave with great-grandad. I should probably add that she was in her mid-wighties at that point and couldn’t resist flirting with the vicar 😉
She sounds fabulous!!!!!
She was 🙂
I’ve had blessed with more than a few characters in my family too. We’re lucky 😊
Indeed we are. I think I’d like to be remembered as a character too… perhaps I should acquire a shocking pink coat? 😉
I would as well. Maybe I’ll settle on a long feather boa 😀
I can probably lend you one of those 😉
Excellent, thank you!!! 😀
🙂
👍
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Thanks Sue!
Sage advice!
Thank you!