Now it’s my turn to go under the microscope …

I love watching people and trying to figure out what makes them tick. It’s something I’ve always done. Except when it comes to myself. At least not that deep exploration that really digs way beneath the surface to find that “stuff” we’re all so good at burying.

Until now.

Because that long, wonderful, illuminating conversation I had recently with a friend has made me curious about myself — and Continue reading

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A reflective state of mind …

I seem to be doing a lot of thinking lately.  Pondering.  Soul-searching.  Reviewing.  Evaluating.  Looking back.  Reflecting.  Not entirely sure why, to be honest.  Maybe it’s Man Sitting In Valleyin preparation for a change.  I wouldn’t mind.  I like change.  I crave change.

Life would be awfully boring if we just stayed the same, don’t you think?  Frankly, I’m probably due for a biggie.  I think it’s been in the works for a while, you know.  I’ve had that ‘unsettled’ feeling.  In a good way, not a bad way.  Not scary at all.  Sort of like when you know you’re going to sneeze.  It starts suddenly, with a little tickle.  It builds, and builds until it becomes strong.  Uncontrollable.

And then, ready or not, here it comes!  And what a relief it is.

Exciting, actually.  Changes and transitions, not sneezing.

So if anything, I’m impatient for it.

But ‘change’ isn’t what I want to talk about. Regrets are what’s on my mind at the moment.  It’s only natural Continue reading

Day 117. No Regrets

It was bleak here yesterday.  Very bleak.  No blue showing in the sky at all.  Just thick, opaque grey clouds that were too heavy to float.  They were introspectionjust hanging there, like a painter’s drop cloth, dangling from a ceiling.  Lumpy.  Still.  Oppressive.  Dark.  Dingy.  Gloomy.

Somber.

Leafless, lifeless trees.  A cold wind, blowing.  From my fifteenth floor apartment, I could hear it howling like the soundtrack to a Halloween horror film.  And it was cold, too.  That damp, raw cold that makes you shiver.  The cold you feel under your skin.

Winter cold.

This truly is, hands down, my  least favourite time of the year.  No redeeming qualities.  It just looks, and feels, like death.

Which in some ways, it is.  It makes me want to crawl into a cave, from which I emerge in the mid to late Spring.  When the tulips and daffodils are just starting to peek their heads out of the still hard, cold earth.  November totally saps my energy.  And yesterday,  it put me into a reflective state of mind.

Introspective.

And it was the absolutely perfect day for it.  My exploration into my heart, my soul and my psyche revealed a lot that I already knew.  That, like a moth to a flame, I Continue reading