Day 180. It’s Sacrilege

I’m almost afraid to say this out loud for fear of the repercussions.  But I just feel I must.  Right here, right now, you’re looking (metaphorically speaking, of course) footballat the one human with access to a TV, and cable, who will NOT be watching the Super Bowl this Sunday.

No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you.  I did say I would NOT be watching.  I wanted to make sure you heard me.  Understood me clearly.  Which is why I used all capital letters.

I know it’s unAmerican.  Hell, it’s even unCanadian.  But it is what it is.

What can I say?  I grew up in unusual surroundings.  Ours was a non-football-watching household.  When it comes to sports my parents liked tennis, golf, baseball and basketball.  And hockey playoffs.

(sigh).  I hear you sighing.  Shaking your heads in disbelief.  Even pitying me.  Wishing you’d known sooner, so you could have removed me from that damaging environment.  Before it was too late.  Before it came to this.  I know.  I know.

Thank you.  I appreciate your concern.  But really, there’s no cause for alarm.

If it makes you feel any better, my parents certainly wouldn’t have cared if I’d wanted to watch football.  It’s not like they would have locked me in my room, or anything.  Or cut off my allowance.  Or forced me to eat lima beans.  They really were very easy-going people.  But I didn’t.  You know, care for football.  Guess it runs in the family.

So that was that.  Settled.  I was probably the only pre-pubescent girl who didn’t drool over football players.  Of the high school, college or professional variety. Shocking, but true.  Although I did date a guy who was a dead ringer for Joe Namath.  I mean, a dead ringer.

Seriously.  Wherever we went, he was always asked for autographs.  It was a hoot.  Once, I brought him, as my date, to a bar mitzvah.  We caused quite a stir.  He was mobbed.  Got much more attention than the bar mitzvah boy, in fact.  Women were cutting in on us, on the dance floor.  He couldn’t even go to the can, without someone stopping him.  Lucky all around he didn’t have a weak bladder.

Don, his name was.  Still is, I presume.  He was my one and only brush with fame.

You know, now that I think about it, I was probably also the only pre-pubescent girl who had no interest in shaking her ta ta’s, either.  Or is it twirling?  Whatever.  You know, becoming a cheerleader.  Just as well, because I tend to be uncoordinated; and I would probably have dropped the batons anyway.  Causing real mayhem on the field as one smiling, perky, blue-eyed blonde after another, tripped over them.

Can’t you just see it?  I can.  Very John Cleese, Peter Sellers or Monty Pythonesque, don’t you think?

Dare I say this?  I don’t even know who’s playing.  In this year’s Super Bowl.  Or where they’re playing.  I do know Beyonce is performing at the half time show.  Is that what it’s called?  If I remember, maybe I’ll tune in for her.  Don’t get your hopes up, though.  I’ll probably forget.  There’ll be re-running it forever anyway.  As for the main attraction, at least for us advertising types, the commercials, I’ll pass.  I’ll see them on the Internet another time.

Imagine if you could program your TiVo to ONLY record commercials.  Now I might be inclined to do that.

All right, then.  Surely there’s no doubt left in your minds.  There is not a huge pot of chilli being cooked at my place, as we speak.  Nor will there be.  No pigs in blankets, either.  My grocery cart will not be filled with chips and cheese doodles (do they still exist?), pretzels and dip.  Or all the fixings for nachos. Or frozen chicken fingers.  There’ll be no pizza deliveries to my place.  Do not, I repeat, do not look for me at the beer store.

In the ultimate act of defiance, I’ll be stocking up on green, leafy vegetables and tofu.  Fibre bars.  And cranberry juice.

And if I’m anywhere close to my flat screen on Sunday, I’ll be the one person, on the planet, watching Turner Classic Movies.  And it would be just my luck if they were showing Any Given Sunday.

38 thoughts on “Day 180. It’s Sacrilege

  1. You’re not alone. I’ve never been interested in living vicariously through athletes. And these days, we know a lot of their performances are enhanced – by commercial contracts and injury-inducing plays. I will most likely be napping through it, after a rousing cup of tea and Vicks Vapor Rub to combat this cold. Go team!

  2. My friend has convinced me to watch some of the Super Bowl tomorrow. I’ve never seen it and I don’t know how American football is played. My friends used to call it rugby for wusses (sorry guys!) but that’s the extent of my knowledge.
    I do find it funny we now have cheerleading squads in the UK. It’s great exercise and I know they work hard, I just think it’s amusing we have no one to cheer. Maybe they’ll bring them in at rugby matches, but I don’t think so.

    • Well, if you’ve never watched before … :). It will be an experience. Especially all the hoopla connected with the half time show. Make sure you eat junk food and drink beer. It’s part of the day 🙂 Enjoy it …

  3. All the big spots have already been leaked–at least it seems so from the amount the baby horse Budweiser ads I’ve seen resposted on FB. Used to be the commercials were the only reason I’d watch, but now it’s unnecessary thanks to YouTube.

  4. Amen sister! All that boring football just gets in the way of the commercials. I’ll be watching the 3-movie LoveFest on Showcase Sunday – we have The Blindside!

  5. I too am not a football fan. I understand the game, I just don’t enjoy watching it. I have friends that I haven’t seen all football season because they can’t leave the couch all weekend or have to go to the bar, are glued to their “red zone” on the tv and get angry over their fantasy football. I won’t be watching either, I’ll be reading a book or working on something crafty. I live in Wisconsin and football is like a religion here, it’s kind of annoying. If the Green Bay Packers lose, you’d swear everyone is going to throw themselves off a bridge. It’s weird.

  6. You won’t be alone for sure! If I allow myself, I get worked up at the outrageous $$ sports players make and they aren’t looking for cancer cures or promoting world peace! I will most likely check in on the Puppy Bowl which is hysterical and then move on to the blogging world. Perhaps with a margarita just to be celebratory no matter who wins.

  7. I have always been into PLAYING sports. But I know of none of my friends that are actually going to waste a beautiful Sunday watching the Super Bowl. And really, aren’t people watching it mainly for the commercials? Who wants to waste a Sunday watching commercials? You are not alone. Enjoy your day AWAY from the TV!

  8. Having a grown up in a family not interested in football (soccer) I completely understand what you are saying! However, I do quite like the big sporting events like the Super Bowl and the World Cup (soccer!) just because they are quite fun. Have a great time, it will be lovely and quiet out and about!

  9. No TV here (well, just Netflix), and I have a stockpile of green leafy veggies, too – and lots of fruit, plus protein bars and bottled water.
    Have a happy Sunday! I’ll be thinking of you while NOT watching football

  10. If my parents weren’t coming over today for the game, I’d probably just sleep until it was time to go to work anyway. I like football, but I detest hype, and the overblown extravaganza that the Super Bowl has become is one of the worst examples ever (DId you know there have been petitions to get the Monday after the Super Bowl declared a legal holiday in America? I kid you not!)

    Even the commercials are dreadful anymore. It was much better back when the sponsors weren’t really just trying to come up with the next big viral video. Not a single commercial the last 5 years or so has even come close to tickling my fancy, and I am a fan of a really good and funny ad….

    • I agree totallyabout the commercials and the hype. But I had no idea there was a petition to make it a long weekend. Nuts!! Pun intended :). As for your day today, look at the bright side. It’ll be nice to see your folks.

  11. I baked all day today. Preparing for my volunteer group’s potluck at night. It wasn’t Super Bowl themed. It was merely a get together with an insane amount of food. My kind of party 😉

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