The Green Study had an absolutely hilarious post yesterday. It was about her hellish trip to the mall. In passing she talked about a cashier’s bedazzled fingernails. 
And that sent me to a whole other place.
Further south.
You have no idea just what’s being bedazzled these days. Or maybe you do? You want me to spell it out for you, don’t cha? You’re waiting to see if you can make me blush. Or stammer. Or splutter.
Nope. You won’t. Here it is:
Females are bedazzling their bits. You know. Their privates. There. Handled it well, wouldn’t you agree? No blushing. Anyway, it’s called ‘vajazzling‘. Need I say more? I hope not.
The irony is, Thursday night on Grey’s Anatomy, the subject came up. Before I go into detail, let me confirm. Yes, I am probably the only human being with a TV who did NOT watch Oprah interviewing (grilling) Lance
Armstrong. Honestly, I just don’t care. He’s an idiot. He did it. He lied. We already knew that.
Happy for Oprah, though. Glad she was the one who got to wring the confession out of him. She can use the ratings. Turns out OWN isn’t worth owning, after all.
Back to Grey’s. A middle aged woman was brought into Emergency, with her husband. Seems it was their anniversary, and she decided to ‘spice’ up their forty plus year marriage. She fell off the stripper pole she’d had installed in their bedroom, landed on her husband, and broke one of his ribs.
Still laughing? Should I give you a chance to catch your breath, or are you okay?
She was unscathed, except for a very bad bruise on her coccyx bone (not to mention her pride). They wanted to take a CT scan to make sure there was nothing more sinister happening. Red-faced, she asked if she could have a scan, if she had ‘metal’ on her body.
Turns out she didn’t think the pole would add enough ‘heat’. So she also had herself vajazzled.
So what do you think about this craze? I have an open mind. Takes a lot to shock me or offend me. But I’ve got to say, I don’t get it. First of all, I think it would be very uncomfortable, don’t you? I mean, they have to stick them on. To your skin. Wouldn’t that be irritating?
And they can ‘catch’ on stuff, can’t they? And maybe get yanked off, in the process. OUCH!!! And if you sleep on your tummy, wouldn’t they ‘dig’ into you? You’d think so, wouldn’t you? What if you get tired of them? How do you get them off? Is there a solvent you use? Better lay very still if there is. Or do you just pull and hope for the best? MAJOR OUCH!!!
Doesn’t sound like much fun to me. Can somebody explain the appeal? Do you think this is sexy? Is it a turn on? Tell me, please.
Personally I think it would look stupid, too. I mean, when you take your clothes off, do you really want to look like you’re a display case at Tiffany’s? I sort of understand the stripper pole, but this? It is NOT working for me. Having sparkly bits. No thanks.
Just before I let you, and your imagination, run wild I have one more question for you:
You’re travelling. You’re at the airport. You’re going through security. You and your vajazzling set off the alarms. The bells are ringing like mad.
Exactly what do you say? How do you explain this?
I don’t know about you, but I’d sure like to be a fly on the wall.
365 And Counting 
Hmmm. After reading this post, I’ll certainly cast a glance at the females pulled to the side by the TSA.
See??? That’s right. You’re going out of town. Have a great trip. Travel safe.
Make it two people that didn’t watch Oprah! and re the bedazzled – nothing surprises me any more – whatever turns you on- hahah.
I know, it’s true.
Good read. This happened to a Spanish woman one time we were at the security check at an airport in Far East. When the bells rang, the Spanish was privately frisked and questioned by a woman official. We heard the official telling her colleague that the Spaniard had taken everything off but accidently left one on her body. That explanation seemed to have sorted out the problem.
I’m sure it happens often.
We are a society with apparently too much time and money on our hands. And with women culturally programmed to treat their crotches like a main attraction. And stripper poles? Ugh. Magnetize them and the vajazzled women can just yell “Look, dude, no hands!”
LOL. Can you imagine? Getting stuck on a stripper pole! You’d need the fire department to get you down. So now I have an image I’ll never get out of my mind 🙂
PS – Thanks for the mention!
You’re welcome. I loved your post. You inspired me.
We are running out of parts to embellish. The next big thing will be an au natural body: what an unusual sight!
SO true! We’ll have forgotten what one looks like.
This reminds me of a young twenty-something girl I used to work with a decade ago who had her….. um…. bazoobies bedazzled, and wasn’t the least bit shy about showing them off to anyone who wanted or didn’t want to see them (unfortunately…. er, um, I mean, I never got to see them myself). She also talked about getting the one you mention here in the future and running a chain through all three. Ooooooookay…. Heck, why not be practical and just run some clothesline through them, save on the drying bills…
Nuts! No disrespect to your squirrels :). Like I said, I have an open mind, but really …
My intro to vadazzling was Grey’s Anatomy and to be honest I had a hard time figuring out what on earth they were talking about (thank God for Mr. Google). I am still struggling with a “brazilian!” I am either missing out on a lot or my life is fine as is.
Wasn’t my first exposure (no pun intended). I’d read about it in a lot of magazines — and not the tabloids either. Nothing wrong with your life, at all. And frankly I am sure vajazzling doesn’t help what’s wrong with theirs.
Can’t let this pass without a question why, body piercing, head to toe tattooing, half shave the head, multi colour all body hair, use of tanning beds for all over tan I know everyone to their own I’m not knocking those who partake in all or some of those mentioned but again why?
Good questions. You’re right. It’s a mystery to me why people choose to do these things. Especially the stuff that’s permanent. Each to his own, I know. But I don’t get any of it.
Yep, leaves me bedazzled.
LOL!! Perfect! Sums the whole thing up perfectly. Love it.
Lance Armstrong- classic narcisstic who cares anymore and yes idiot! 🙂 The other subjecf stripper pole funny but I don’t understand the rest haha I’m a choir boy maybe. Is it piercings? Or like gluing on sparkles or something? 🙂
You’re right. He IS a classic narcissist. Such an a-hole!! Who cares, is right. The stripper pole had me howing. Okay, choir boy – 🙂 – I’ll explain. They are sparkles. And yes, you stick them on. I do not know if they are self-adhesive or if you use some special glue. They are presumably for ‘decorative’ purposes. And you can use them in any ‘design’ you want. Think tattoos that sparkle. Or fingerpainting with benefits :).
Well, uh, not that you asked, but au naturale I’d think would be just fine, you know, like God or whatever intended! But to each his own I guess. See? Learn something new every day! 🙂
I totally agree. I can’t imagine what the appeal is. I don’t find it at all sexy.
I’ve had no interest in Oprah or anything she broadcasts in years…And as I already knew about Lance, I wasn’t missing a thing.
Your post gave me a really good giggle this morning! Some of the things people come up with to do to themselves! No thanks…I’d rather walk from New York City to San Francisco barefoot than glue glitteries to my cootchie!
With you all the way!!
HOLY CRAP, I have never heard of such a thing. Obviously the women to put hard earned money into such nonsense make wayyyy too much. They should take that money and donate it to a food bank or homeless shelter, sinful. There I’m off of my soap box, to each his own I guess…..you won’t catch me doing that, if I’m going to dazzle it’s going to be with diamonds on my fingers. Thanks for the information, if I hear my kids talking that word I will know what they are up to.
You are SO right. I mean, really!
I remember reading a magazine article once about a woman who had an appt for a pap smear and wanted to make the area ‘presentable’ for the doctor but she didn’t have time for a shower. So she grabbed the face washcloth from over the bath and gave herself a cursory ‘freshen up’ before throwing it in the dirty clothes hamper and hurrying off to her appt. When she was having the smear done the doctor said, “Well, I see you dressed up for me.” and she thought it was a bit weird but dismissed it. Later on she went to the toilet and realised that she was covered in bits of glitter in her nether regions. Apparently her daughter had used the facecloth to clean up a glitter spill or something and then put it back.
LOL!! That’s hysterical. Glad to see her doctor had a sense of humour.
That is just absurd and IN.SANE. I had friends who bedazzled their tooth too by the way. Can I sing, “people are strange” now? Haha
Yes you can 😉
Sometimes there are no words. But there are so many questions!
very true 🙂
Wow, I had no idea, though I am not surprised. Not sure it would be my thing, but whatever people feel will “spice” things up, then go for it.
I like the stripper pole idea though, lol.
Yeah, the pole’s better than the beads. They say the pole’s great exercise.
I bet it is great exercise. I usually break a sweat (not in a sexual way, lol) just seeing someone using it.
It’s hard work. May look easy, but it’s not, I’m sure.
I don’t doubt that, lol. 🙂
🙂
I still want to meet said woman in question and ask her why in reference to her vajazzling 😛
Me too. But I should tell you, there are tons of them out there. Beats me 🙂
😛